How to Practice Piano Badly

A light-hearted guide to getting nowhere fast

If you’ve been making far too much progress at the piano lately, don’t worry—help is here. These tried-and-true strategies will guarantee frustration, stagnation, and possibly your teacher questioning their career choices. Follow these steps carefully if your goal is to practice piano as badly as possible.

1. Play Only What You Already Know

Why venture into unfamiliar territory when you can replay that one comfortable piece 47 times? Hard sections are overrated—avoid them at all costs. Growth? Never heard of it. Bonus: it’s a perfect way to convince yourself you’re “practicing,” while actually taking a nap with your fingers on the keys.

2. When You Make a Mistake, Start From the Beginning

Made an error in measure 42? Fantastic! Slam the brakes and head right back to bar one. There’s no better way to ensure you never actually improve the tricky part. Optional challenge: try starting from the beginning while humming another tune.

3. Use Different Fingering Every Time

Consistency is for quitters. Why use the same fingering twice when you could keep your brain guessing? Bonus points if you invent fingerings that defy anatomy or logic.

4. Always Play Hands Together

Working hands separately would make things easier and clearer—terrible idea. Keep both hands tangled and confused at all times. If your teacher starts crying, you know you’re doing it right.

5. Read One Note at a Time

Don’t look ahead. Don’t think ahead. Just read a single note, play it, then stare at the score until you find the next one. Tortoises everywhere will applaud your pacing. Optional: add dramatic sighs for full effect.

6. Tell Yourself You’ll Never Get It

For maximum discouragement, remind yourself frequently that this is hopeless. Nothing speeds up a bad practice session like a steady stream of negative self-talk.

7. Do All Your Practice In One Long Stretch

Why spread your practice over several short, focused sessions? Sit at the piano for one exhausting marathon until your brain and hands give up. Optional spice: skip water and snacks for extra delirium.

8. Sit Really Close to the Piano

Get right up under the fallboard—nose nearly touching middle C. The more awkward and tense your posture, the better the “bad practice” results. Bonus points if your chin leaves an imprint on the keys.

9. Practice Everything at Full Speed

Slow practice is far too effective. If you want to guarantee errors, dive immediately into performance tempo, no matter how messy it gets.

10. Put Your Piano in a Cold, Dark Basement

Nothing inspires poor practice like discomfort. Bonus points if there’s a washing machine running, spiders watching, or a mysterious draft.

11. Only Practice the Day Before Your Lesson

Why practice regularly when panic-practicing the night before is so much more… thrilling? It also guarantees a weekly cycle of regret.

12. Practice on Piano Keys That Are Too Big for You

If your hands struggle to reach or control the keys, even better! Embrace the awkwardness, tension, and questionable technique—it’s all part of the ‘bad practice’ experience. Extra points for sore fingers, puzzled expression, and dramatic hand stretches.

The Moral of the Story

If you want to practice piano well, simply do the opposite of everything here. 😄Real progress comes from patience, smart strategies, and a positive mindset—not heroic suffering at the keyboard.

Antidote: How to Practice Productively

After laughing at all the ways to practice badly, here’s the good news: productive, confidence-building practice is much simpler than it seems.

• Start with what you know. Warm up with something comfortable to ease into focus and get your hands moving.

  
  

• Then explore what you don’t know—slowly and thoughtfully. Take tricky passages at a snail’s pace, observe patterns, and let your fingers learn calmly. Slow practice isn’t punishment; it’s magic.

  
  

• If you get stuck, ask for help. A piano teacher can often solve a “mystery measure” in seconds. You don't have to struggle alone.

  
  

• Show up regularly. Short, consistent sessions beat heroic marathons every time. Progress loves routine.

  
  

• End with something joyful. Finish with a piece you enjoy and can play well—it’s the musical equivalent of dessert and keeps motivation high.

  
  

• Consider a piano that fits you. If large keys make your fingers cringe, Athena’s narrow keys provide comfort, control, and more relaxed technique. Playing on a keyboard that actually suits your hands can make slow, thoughtful practice much more effective—and way more fun.

Athena™ - Narrow Piano Keys that fit smaller hands

Good practice isn’t about perfection; it’s about curiosity, patience, and small daily wins. Treat yourself kindly at the piano, and the music will reward you right back.